not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
