i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
