Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
