So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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