Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
