Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
