god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
