well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
