Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
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