New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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