i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
