I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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