I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
