and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
