Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
