Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
