hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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