I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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