I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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