Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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