I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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