Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
