I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
