make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
