she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
