frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
