He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
