she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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