I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
