wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
