i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
