ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
