to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
