I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
