Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
pray to the hookup gods
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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