i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
