in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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