what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
