Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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