Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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