I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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