i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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