Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
