She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
