I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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