yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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