I feel like abortions should bother me more
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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