I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
