Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
