I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
