What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
