It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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