her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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