You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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