I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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