Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
