Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
