How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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