I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
